Bestiary

From: exile@beeblebrox.mit.edu (Lauren P. Burka)
Newsgroups: rec.games.mud
Subject: ashne's revised and updated guide to mud fauna
Message-ID: <1990Oct21.235937.3683@athena.mit.edu>
Date: 22 Oct 90 02:59:12 GMT
Distribution: rec
Organization: Knights in White Satin and Knaves in Black Leather

this is a guide to the types of creatures you will commonly meet in and around muds, with their descriptions and representative quotes. do you recognize yourself here?

1) the first-time player

"how do i get pennies? am i winning yet?"

this person will rapidly mutate into one of the below types.

2) the socialite

"want to play truth or dare?"

the socialite only plays muds as an extension to irc or talk. s/he
never builds or explores.

3) the master architect

"" (doesn't say much)

after macro-ing up cash, the master architect disappears and builds a huge, complex realm of puzzles, monsters, and magic. s/he usually never finishes, and at any rate forgets to unlock the region so that other people can play.

4) the jerk

"kill *=100"

this is the real reason why some muds are restricted.

5) the mudder with an idea

"would anyone like to play dungons and dragons on a mud? i don't want to be gm, so someone else has to volunteer. i have this really cool idea for a mud but i don't know how to write it. will you? i want to get a mud up and running but i don't have a machine. can i use yours?"

also known as a nuissance.

6) would-be mucker

"can i have a mucker bit? pleease? i won't crash anything. i promise."

usually causes wizards to retire early.

7) building the perfect mud

"i have this amazing game in the works. it's going to have seven different kinds of magic, combat, weather, castles, dragons, bells, whistles, and will be completely programmable! it will run on bsd unix, system V, vm/cms, vms, and trs-80's! it will have windows, doors, picture frames and kitches sinks. and it should be finished by next week, after my midterms."

hasn't been seen since december, 1989. (there are two related creatures, 'building the perfect client' and 'building the perfect bot.')

8) the hozer

"yo, babe! i got this amazing ten-inch love muscle. wanna date? lie down and spread your legs."

hozers are usually college freshmen with no social skills who can't get sex any other way. they tend to skew the male/female ratio on muds even further by causing all female characters in the vicinity to change to male or gender-neutral characters.

9) the slut

"hey, does anyone here want a blow-job?"

the slut comes in all different shapes and sizes, but her description always includes mention of her luscious lips and prominent nipples. 95% of all sluts are played by male players. most of these used to be hozers (see above).

10) the compulsive con-hopper

"i haven't met all the mudders in australia yet, so i'm flying with my amex ticket voucher from new york to san francisco and then catching a tramp steamer south. don't worry, i have crash space arranged at the sf con."

usually carrying lots of buttons, whipped cream or jello. frequently owes lots of money on credit cards. always exaggerates con stories told to friends to make them sorry they didn't go.

11) the mud addict

"hey, in another couple of hours, i'll be at the bottom of the who list on islandia."

flunking out of school, but having a good time.

12) The old fart

"gee, you think you have it tough. i used to play using telnet with no line-by-line mode!"

This character usually doesn't do much more in a conversation except talk about characters that haven't appeared in ten months, talk about how good things were on Classic TinyMUD when it was only 20K or so and on lancelot, and how there isn't any decent building anymore. Comments about how they had it rough without the : and the like occur in older members of this species. [mutant (mfterman@phoenix.princeton.edu)]

13) The hacker

"Varargs is a total kludge...any real machine will let me count parameters by bumping a pointer up the stack from a local variable! My source code is longer than your source code."

This character cares less about the db of a MUD and more about the source code that is running it. Generally is talking at any point in time about sockets, patches, latest bugs, and is arguing over which language is superior. Differs from the Building the Perfect Mud in that this character has either actually written a program and has it running, or is patching the crap out of a current MUD. warning: extremely boring.(also mutant)

14) Competitor

"i was number 22163 on tinymud classic. who are you?"

Upon hearing that there is no way to win, they usually wander around for a few minutes before quitting to go play an LpMUD, not to log back onto the perspective MUD for four or five months. Upon doing so they will wander around the MUD amazing people with their low object number, making people wonder why they have never heard of this really old character. These people only stop into these various MUDs because they now lots of people who play regularly. Of course, I have don't know anyone who does this personally ;-) (ss72@andrew.cmu.edu)

15) furry creature

"puuurrrrrrrrrrrrr!"

generally resembles a plush stuffed toy. emits dangerous levels of cuteness, tickles, and recursive acronyms.

16) gurps vortex

"12? piece of cake to get a twelve..crossbow is p/a,14 points (10 for 11 dex, 4 for a skill of 12."

the role-playing vortex sees muds as an extension of their favorite play system. warning: almost as boring as the hacker.

17) the angst case

"my parents cut me off yesterday. i'm failing math, my lover dumped me, and i have a hangnail. i'm not getting you down, am i?"

a sub-category of 'socialite,' the angst case muds because s/he can't afford therapy.

18) the overbearing know-it-all

posts snide, pseudo-authoritative articles about other mud players....

wait. that's me.

--

<SIG>________________________________________________________________
all the time you know she's smiling,         | exile@athena.mit.edu
you'll be on your knees tomorrow -steely dan | lburka@eagle.wesleyan.edu
                                             | lauren@ikaros.harvard.edu
</SIG>